“Hi, I’m Jane” she said.
“I’m Christopher” I replied “but everyone calls me Dick for short”.
“How do you get Dick from Christopher?” she asked.
“You ask nicely” I said.
A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future. He gets into a taxi and the driver says “How are you on this lovely day?”
“I’m the Class of 2013, just graduated from Harvard and I just can’t wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me”.
The driver looks back to shake the young man’s hand and says “Congratulations, I’m Mitch… Class of 2005”.
A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. So, she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said “I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?” The blonde said “No, I want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again”.
The milkman asked “Do you want it pasteurised?” The blonde said “No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes”.
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing. “Nothing” I said.
The reason I said that instead of saying “Just thinking” is because she would have said “About what?”. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.
Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion: a year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say “It might be nice to have another child”. On the other hand, you never hear a guy say “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts”.
I rest my case. Time for another beer.