Other than our sex life lately…..
A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says “Open wide”. “I can’t” replies the blonde “this chair’s got arms”.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read “… and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'” The teacher paused then asked the class “And what do you think that man said?” One little boy raised his hand and said “I think he said ‘Holy Shit! A talking pig!’
My wife didn’t care for long drives on the interstate when she traveled on business alone. So she would put a box of tampons (visible) in the backseat. Whenever she was stopped for speeding, she would act jumpy, exasperated and irate. When questioned as to why she was driving so fast she would point to the box of tampons in the backseat. No male officer ever ticketed her!
It snowed 6 inches and I radar a car driving 54 in a 30. Stopped her and she very matter of fact told me “Duh, I know I was going fast, I was trying to get the snow off my windshield so I could see where I’m going!!”
A father and his three beautiful, blonde, daughters went into a hotel to stay for the night. When the daughters went to check in, they saw a really good looking bell boy. The father caught the three girls looking at him and he threatened to kill the bell boy if he did anything at all with them. So the bell boy minded his own business and ignored the girls.
While he was working ever so diligently, the eldest daughter goes up to him and says “If you don’t do it with me in bed, I will pour red juice on the sheets of my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry”.
Fearing for his life, he did it with her. Then he saw the beautiful middle daughter in the hallway and she too walked over to him and said “If you don’t do it with me, I’ll pour red juice on my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry”.
Again fearing for his life, he agreed. Later that evening the youngest blonde daughter saw him. She walked up to him and said “If you don’t have sex with me, I’ll pour green juice all over the bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry”.
“Green juice?” He asked. “Why Green?” She replied “Because my cherry isn’t ripe yet, duh”.